Washing Hands a Go-Go

A recent New York survey revealed that less than 1% of men at Yankee Stadium washed their hands after using the bathroom. Even scarier was that less than 2% did so after squatting on the porcelain throne.

I called my friend Jamie Parker to conduct a similar survey in the go-go bars of Pattaya.

"Anything for you," said the exiled New Yorker.

This study required drinking a lot of beer, but the ex-con was surprised to see that more than 30% of the lager louts attending the exotic dance performances actually washed their hands and he hired the one-armed bathroom attendant from the Carousel Go Go to verify these findings. She later reported that almost 50% of the men washed their hands, then again she earned her living from tips, so she might have misrepresented the free-style piss and wash statistics, so as not to have her customers lose face or 'na-sia'.

"Who would have thought men in Pattaya are cleaner than those at Yanjee Stadium. Guess you don't need clean hands to hold a cup of Bud Lite."

"Unlike groping a go-go girl." Thais liked clean. "I always wash my hands, just because I like cleanliness."

"It's next to godliness."

"And no one is next to godliness in Pattaya."

"You never know, but certainly better than Singapore."

"You've got that right."

Not washing your hands after peeing is a crime in Singapore and the government has trained special agents to sniff your hands after exiting from the toilets, so wash your hands or else expect a caning.

Only 5 strokes for 1st offense.

Masochists need only apply.